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Chapter Notes: Jim's inner thoughts (the italicized Vulcan text) are the lyrics to James Blunt's "Goodbye My Lover." Any mistakes with the translation are entirely my own.


The doors to the airlock shut in front of Jim with a resounding hiss. The moment had come. Jim was alone.

Spock was gone -- gone to Vulcan, gone to shed the love that weighed down his heart by undergoing kolinahr.

He had fought so hard to prevent it; he had done everything within his power to prevent it. But all of his efforts had been for naught. Spock had needed to go, and Jim had been forced to release his hand.

He knew that Spock would never come back to him. Without his emotions, without the bond that existed between the two of them, Spock would no longer be drawn to him. His own soul would no longer cause a resonance within Spock’s.

He stared at the doors -- the doors that Spock had just gone through, departing from his company for the last time.

Vesht than nafulaya-tor tu nash-veh il vravshu tu?

Dang-olaya nash-veh il kal-tor to-gav’tan-tor kwal-tor?

Fayei vesht gla-tor nash-veh shaht fa’vesht palikau etwel,

Ha vesht gla-tor nash-veh vesht glan-fam-tor tu heh vesht fai-tor nash-veh vesht skil-tor nash-veh.

Ni vesht nem-tor nash-veh ra k’yeht ek’wakik t’nash-veh.

Vesht nem-tor katra t’tu s’udish vi’mu-yor.

Lau-shahtau-tor se hi dungi fam kroi-tor se,

Nam-tor nash-veh la na’tu kuv dungi tun-tor tu.

Vesht estuhl tu khaf-spol t’nash-veh, vesht estuhl tu katra t’nash-veh.

Vesht rubai ha’kiv t’nash-veh heh ek’tehrai t’nash-veh.

Heh glan-fam-tor ashaya heh ta vesht fai-tor nash-veh lu,

Vesht glan-fam-tor khaf-spol t’nash-veh k’tu.

Bru t’tu vesht shok-tor nash-veh heh meskarau el’ru t’tu.

Vesht khynna run t’tu heh khynna a’sim t’tu.

Muhl tu fai-tor nash-veh, fnish t’tu fai-tor nash-veh.

Tu ki’tessau nash-veh.

Jim moved towards a window port, watching as Spock’s vessel undocked from the spaceport gangway. His fingers traced lightly over the window, moving across the image of that ship…desperately seeking to touch Spock one last time.

Rom-halan ashayam t'nash-veh.

Rom-halan t’hy’la t’nash-veh.

Ki’ish-veh-tor tu.

Ki’ish-veh-tor tu na’nash-veh.

The ship’s warp engines flashed, and the ship was gone. Spock was gone.

Profuse tears began rolling in burning streaks down his face.

He’d been strong for Spock; when the time for them to part had come, Jim had allowed it to pass without ceremony. But now that his bondmate was gone, he couldn’t keep his own pain hidden any longer. Spock was going to forget him. He was going to forget them and what they had meant to each other.

Run-tor nash-veh heh lu tu’ash bezuhn t’nash-veh,

Fam kup shau katra t’nash-veh -- run t’nash-veh nem-tor tu.

Heh vah trashu tu, nash-veh vokau,

Etwel vokau heh ek vesht etwel.

Ki’gla-tor nash-veh wa’maf-tor tu, ki’gla-tor nash-veh abru’teruklar-ru’lut tu.

Na’pon ki’glantau nash-veh yuk-tor tu.

Kan t’tu dungi yatau nash-veh.

Ha’kiv k’tu dungi dif-tor nash-veh.

An’kharh t’tu fai-tor nash-veh heh t’nash-veh fai-tor tu.

Vet t’etwel ki’ma etwel hi i’tok-ti etwel,

Heh tu ashau nash-veh, c’thia-tor se ugau nash-veh.

Rik’tu kup fam ha-tor nash-veh.

Jim turned his back to the empty star field and, with his back pressed up against the wall, he sank to the floor.

Rom-halan ashayam t’nash-veh.

Rom-halan t’hy’la t’nash-veh.

Ki’ish-veh-tor tu.

Ki’ish-veh-tor tu na’nash-veh.

Jim closed his eyes, but the tears continued to fall down the glistening paths on his cheeks. In his lap, his hands and fingers took the shape used when Vulcans gave their spouses and bondmates a hand kiss. The fingers of his left hand stroked down the length of the fingers of his right hand, but the action did not fill him with the sensation of joy and love as it once had. Within him, within his soul, all was hollow -- terrible, overwhelming emptiness.

That emptiness would haunt him for the rest of his days. It would gnaw at him while he was awake and follow him into his dreams. There was no avoiding it, no outrunning it, no place to hide from it.

Heh wi k’svi el’ru t’nash-veh t’tu meskarau nash-veh.

K’svi t’nash-veh lu yuk-tor nash-veh.

Heh svi’pon katra t’nash-veh dungi kmun-tor nash-veh,

Lu na’ash’ya t’tu shom-tor nash-veh.

Rom-halan ashayam t’nash-veh.

Rom-halan t’hy’la t’nash-veh.

Ki’ish-veh-tor tu.

Ki’ish-veh-tor tu na’nash-veh.

Jim curled himself up into a tiny ball on the floor. His knees bent up to his chest, and his arms wrapped tightly around his legs. He rocked a little bit back and forth, his head falling down to his knees.

T’hy’la! Ni herbosh nash-veh, ni herbosh nash-veh.

Masuk’herbosh nash-veh!

T’hy’la! Ni herbosh nash-veh, ni herbosh nash-veh.

Masuk’herbosh nash-veh!

Jim’s head came up from his knees. His eyes opened and looked upwards towards the ceiling.

The sound of a scream echoed through the hallway.

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