Date: 25 Mar 2012 23:34 Title: Chapter 5
That scene between Neeley and Morrison is less tacky, but I still think Morrison is too overassertive. If the two argue then kiss, I could accept that, if the two just end up closer together (because they both seem to be attracted to each) I would be fine with that. But Morrison is still too blunt
Author's Response: I didn't exactly intend to make it not tacky, but tacky kind of come with the territory of guilt-free sex without all the lovey-dovey stuff. That's something that confirmed between the two of them later on. And it seems like a practical arrangement from Morrison's perspective with Neeley and what he thought he had with Sara, but then he finds it's not enough for him down the road.
Date: 08 Dec 2011 23:52 Title: Chapter 5
Another good story, I'm also glad you're developing Markalis. I have one question though: is Rhys Darcen the survivor from that stricken outpost? If he is then how the hell did he get to Tagra Four? Or is this survivor someone else (another augment)? I'm a little confused here...
Finally the Morrison/Neeley story arc was good up to the end, see my review about them, but the making out scene was all wrong in my opinion.
Aside from that this was a good and intriguing story.
Author's Response: Re-read the beginning of Chapter 3 then, the dialogue should have indicated that Darcen and the survivor of the Epsilon Trianguli outpost are not the same person. Otherwise, the survivor does reappear in the next story.
Date: 08 Dec 2011 23:44 Title: Chapter 5
God that scene with Morrison and Neeley was so tacky! Honestly Morrison just strips off, and makes the assumption that Neeley will do the same thing. It doesn't make sense and it ain't logical. I mean it would have been better if Morrison just started kissing Neeley after he said that thing about them both being attracted to each other. But stripping off in front of Neeley? She could have complained to Kozar that Morrison flashed her.
It just doesn't make sense, I cannot believe Morrison, or any 24th century human male would do such an undignified thing. Maybe he should have flirted with Neeley, or as I said above kiss her. In other words create a situation where Neeley gets aroused by Morrison. But Morrison just stripping off like that? It doesn't seem plausible.
I just can't explain it away, would a man strip down in front of a woman (the two are interested in each other) and simply expect sex from her, and for her to do the same? That is what Morrison seemed to assume. Surely the logical order of things would be kissing, then clothes coming off...
I'm just saying the actions of Morrison and Neeley seem horribly wrong...
Author's Response: Can I assume then you don't follow Grey's Anatomy or its spinoff series Private Practice. I guess it's easier to expect Starfleet officers not named James Kirk to be a little more restrained, especially when making first contact with an alien race. Not that I fully intend to make it Grey's Anatomy in the Star Trek universe (where they whine about their personal and work lives so much to the point where viewers more easily remember those character arcs more than the patients who come in each week). That such a prelude to sex even plays out as expected more often than not on any fictional television series is itself implausible, but that it happens here creates more of an element of surprise even with this group of people who tend to be more spontaneous than the average Starfleet and in the world where that level of intimacy is mostly implied.
Date: 07 Dec 2011 22:26 Title: Chapter 3
I like where this story is going so far, even though I have to back track to follow the plot. Man this plot is fast moving and detailed! I like that brief scene with Neeley and that male officer, especially the 'mentally undressing her down' part. Morcheeba have a song called Undress Me Now, really good, and that song sprung to mind!
Author's Response: I hadn't really considered, although it is something of a hint of the sexual tension between her and Morrison, but she doesn't quite take kindly to a younger lower ranking male officer looking at her in that way.
Date: 05 Dec 2011 23:42 Title: Chapter 2
I think you and I differ big time on Section 31's profile. In your story (and series), it is known a lot more than is let on in DS9. Whereas in my series, I always think of Section 31 being known only to a select few Starfleet admirals, certain members of the Federation Council and others (who have accidently learnt of its existance, like Sisko and Bashir (and in my series, Ezri)).
I just think Section 31 feels more 'cooler' if only a handful of people know about it. Whereas the way you portray it, I don't know, some of the mystery about Section 31 is lost.
Author's Response: Well, all the more reason to read on, but as you'll eventually see that Section 31 has its own way covering its tracks and making it look like whoever knows about them is just making baseless accusations. You could also think of it as reconciliation between DS9 portraying 31 as an organization shrouded in obscurity and the Hidden Frontier universe portraying them as that bug in the house you can't get rid of.
Date: 02 Jul 2010 04:42 Title: Chapter 2
The dialog between Cole and Markalis was spot on!! It throws an interesting angle into this story your are telling.
Author's Response: If you've read my preliminary character biographies, it mentions that Markalis has Asperger's syndrome. One rule-of-thumb is that aspies are bad liars, so she isn't entirely hip to the idea of becoming an intelligence agent. But Cole just interprets her non-answers as "maybes".
Date: 01 Jul 2010 20:52 Title: Chapter 1
I'm guessing Section 31...gruesome fate for the people on that planet...
Author's Response: Definitely Section 31, although this CMO will be a little defensive than Bashir was about Sloan showing up in his quarters in the middle of the night.