Date: 06 Jan 2010 17:56 Title: Chapter 5
A sense of confusion reigns in this chapter. Really well materialised, with the dream reality having the crew fawning over meeting Jessen as he struggles meantime with a pesky Vulcan - always ruining evil plans.
Even though this other relaity is 'unreal' it should be noted how the doctor's thirst for a cure or 'fix' to the Deltans almost makes her ignorant of how this actually impinges upon the belief/value system of Deltans like Anara. She doesn't seem to realise that she is causing offense. Or certainly could cause offense with another Deltan.
I do like Shelby talking to the portrait of her Granddad and taking 'advice' from him. A nice feature of her schooling herself. And if I recall, it is one you return to in later times too. Nice touch and it helps to humanise this confident brassy woman who takes no prisoners.
Date: 06 Jan 2010 04:44 Title: Chapter 7
That was an entertaining first adventure for Shelby and her crew. An enjoyable read! I really liked the crew dynamics and the playful references to the Enterprise-D and DS9. Nice characterization, interesting plot. Great job!
Date: 29 Dec 2009 22:18 Title: Chapter 4
Oh the plot thickens with the Ferengi ship doing some dodgey deals but thankfully revealing a little of what the creature is able to do. Not that the crew know this yet but it should help in the end. But it seems the creature has its eyes set on a new target. DS9! Way to up the stakes.
Shelby is a hard task master and it seems even the officious and ardent Hobson wants payback for her drills catching him out! Nice bit of humour and the beginnings of a crew gelling somewhat ahead of what looks to be trouble.
Nicely portrayed investigation by the good doctor and resident Vulcan expert.
Date: 29 Dec 2009 18:46 Title: Chapter 3
Hee hee. Maria has a way about her. Like the early flirtations here and the various crew interactions going on. Tol strikes as very genial guy with a lot of good humour but I should have mentioned that his friendship with Hobson is also a smart stroke of writing.
The Hobson/Shelby conflict came early on and I hope not defused too much. As it makes for an interesting bit of reading to see the command team not quite meshing together. Quite fun. I do like how frank Shelby is and her willingness to allow Hobson to air his grievences. In typical Hobson style I actually think he held back his views and tried to frame things in his Iceman demanour style.
Date: 29 Dec 2009 18:30 Title: Chapter 2
Again I'd like to remark on your taking canon characters and fleshing them out further, all the more remarkable for placing them all in the one stable. And the fact that you take soemone like Atoa who had a brief appearance dressed in haiwian costume no less atests to a keen eye by you to reap such characters.
Better still when one considers you take a character like Hobson who got a a lot of flak for his behaviour towards Data on the Sutherland. You flesh the character out and make part of his appearance in canon defining in that he is an iceman in the eyes of the crew. You've made a cold and aloof character intriguing and throwing him in as XO to Shelby is a stark contrast in personalities that could lead to confrontation and a difficult command team partnership. A great internal conflict whether it blows up or festers. In addition, you throw Anara into our dear XO's life and their initial reactions hints at something more. As the transport engineer says she managed to melt his exterior a little.
Now of course, it is always great to note a new captain's view of their command. Should it worry one though that Shelby's ambition is very single-minded and even combat orientated. Mind it is illuminating to see a female character portrayed so and still appear very feminine. Mind I thought you might have updated the last paragraph to make actual mention of TLR's Grace McAfee.
Have to mention too, the great look at the Deltan culture glimpse and the wider perceptions of Deltans and of the inherent difficults persons such as Anara encounters. I was particularly struck at the seeminly opposite natires of the Vulan and Deltan confined in close quarters together. They actually shared a good number of conversations and reached one another on a level fitting for them. It was very well done and was a great insight to a stoic Vulcan mindset when presented with such a challenge. Liked that very much.
Also it was nice to see you tackle the issue of the 'Enterprise' cult. It's maybe not nice but it helps ground things in the universe and in and of itself helps to make the crew here quite real and down to earth so early on.
Date: 29 Dec 2009 16:45 Title: Chapter 1
First off, I've always been impressed by the way you take canon characters who appeared only briefly, perhaps only for one episode, and create whole rounded characters from the basic template given. Going back to the start of the Sutherland story and Shelby's is a great trip down memory lane.
Again, the bit that strikes is just how reckless a career Shelby takes - she plays hard and fast if the Mizar incident is anything to go by. It also seems she is more famed for her extra-curricular activities. It seems that on taking this command she has a lot to prove to outsiders. Whether that is her motivating factor or not remains to be seen but certainly the others will be looking to her to prove she merits her command.
Now it does seem strange that her behaviour should be viewed as so scandalous. But in terms of TNG Trek, Picard and co. were more puritan. It seems that many within the echeleons of Admiralty also live a very scandal free lifestyle. Perhaps that means she is better off being posted in attachment to DS9 as she'll fit in more with the grittier side of life there. But in such pluralistic society as the Federation it does smack of double standards.
Nevermind, that closer to home the honourable Leyton is already laying down the foundations for coup to ensure Starfleet/Federation's survival. It seems clean living is not always so squeaky clean. An intriguing nod to things to come as well as settling down Benteen's dislike for Shelby.
Other dark shadows with IT growing in the darkness, preparing and getting ready. Very ominous indeed. Great start.