Date: 29 May 2013 23:27 Title: Chapter 5
Finally! Something more meatier and interesting! My money is on Kevin Mitchell, although you said the in the introduction to your story that the Pearl had a new captain AND a first officer, which makes it sound like Nick got promoted...
Date: 29 May 2013 23:04 Title: Chapter 3
Seeing that Hank is going to be stuck with G'rull and Oron for a long time then you needed to make those two pretty darn interesting to ensure the chapters with Hank did not drag. Thankfully G'rull and Oron are pretty decent, they don't stand-out (not yet anyway) but they get the job done and keep me mildly entertained!
Date: 29 May 2013 22:53 Title: Chapter 2
I would never thought it possible but you made Beverly into a vile old hag and I don't know whether to shake your hand or shake my head. But Beverly does come off condescending and all, plus you raised a very good point about the special treatment of the Enterprise crew, just because they had Picard pulling some strings. So Paul has a point...
Hmm, I'm surprised you glossed over Bethany's reactions to Hank's disappearance. Those two were close and yet Bethany thinks more about her divorced parents and less about Hank?
Date: 29 May 2013 22:41 Title: Chapter 1
A summary of what happened and it makes sense starting with Nick, but at least he has the luxury of a wife and child. As for Chris, why do I get the feeling that he should just Madison his inner feelings and just tap her? I know it's not as simple but it sure as hell is better than Chris moping around resenting being stuck on shore leave. In fact pining after Madison and doing nothing is only going to amplify his frustration at being stuck in shore leave. Though Starfleet made a wise decision giving all the crew of the Pearl shore leave for six weeks.
Date: 29 May 2011 14:38 Title: Chapter 25
To say that Chris is out of line is not enough. He's disrespectful to his commanding officers and rude. And he's been like that more and more for recent chapters. I don't think I like him any more.
Now I started to wonder if they are no at the time of the events that destroyed Gallos. Hell, they could have caused that for all I know!
Date: 29 May 2011 13:22 Title: Chapter 23
Unbelievable! Winsor is so blinded by Garrett that he would fire at probably the only source of information on their new enemy? He would endanger Barash, the away team, maybe the ship and who knows what else, because the alien didn't give him answers for his petty problem?
He is mad.
I'm just surprised that Thomas goes with all this without a word is reason, let alone opposing it.
Date: 29 May 2011 12:25 Title: Chapter 21
Winsor seems to have lost his mind O_O Taking the ship through an unknown wormhole? How will they return? No one seemed to wonder about that.
Thomas shouldn't risk his ship and his crew's lives for some feeling of debt. Winsor's behaviour and subbornnes means trouble and a lot of it. And all for some sudden feeling of lost love? He shares something with Chris ;)
Date: 29 May 2011 11:32 Title: Chapter 20
Daren expects Jacob to get over the destruction of his home planet--the only place he remembers as home--within a few months? Most likely, this experience and the terrible memories will stay with th boy for the rest of his life. They won't just disappear.
And....time travel? Forward or backward? How far? That makes me thinking, though...Considering that Rachel Garrett is in the story, it might be a hint about the time displacement and when they are. We'll see...
Date: 29 May 2011 10:10 Title: Chapter 11
Wow, what a "perfect" example of unprofessional behaviour from Chris. Not only he bothers his brother on duty, interfering with Mark's job, but also for such a reason? This not only could have waited and wasn't urgent in any way, this also is the most idiotic case of reasoning possible. What is Chris thinking? Mark is right--she dumped Chris and she didn't even make a move that she wanted to try again. Chris's sudden "discovery" of his feelings and his belief that all he has to do is to try...Well, Chris, it takes two and the other one doesn't seem to want to try again. He's lost it, completely lost it.
Date: 29 May 2011 09:44 Title: Chapter 17
Seems like the escape is for real, but I wouldn't be very surprised if it occurred to be another hoax. Still, this "vision" doesn't seem to feed him with obviour for a reader lies, but maybe that's the cruelty of this plan--to fool him with hope.
Anyway, my fingers are crossed for the successful escape.
And Maxwell...this means trouble...something tells me that it's not going to be easy to deal with him, not mensioning that the Cardassians would not be happy to know that's he's free (if he stays free, that is).
Date: 14 Mar 2010 22:40 Title: Chapter 30
Wow! Here's me thinking Hank's gambit would be the big ending cliffhanger but it seems the Delveer were right that they had a plan in motion all along. What the hell was that wave and what will it have done? Damn fine cliffhanger.
Date: 14 Mar 2010 22:05 Title: Chapter 27
With all the action and all the big plot movements you never forget your character stories. From Quincy, Daren and Charles sharing a drink before heading to their stations, to talk of whether they will suceed or not, to T'Kel's angishing decision. All very impressive for how you manage to slot them into the weave of the story and add to atmosphere pf what is to come. Impressive. I pain with T'Kel and the choice she is considering. On one hand it is logical and even emotional to purge herself of those horrible memories. But what will become of T'Kel as we know her then?
Date: 14 Mar 2010 22:00 Title: Chapter 26
That is some kick in the crotch! Starfleet HQ destroyed. An immensely disabling attack but more importantly or worryingly it seems to be only a stage in the Delveer plan of attack. The cocky assurance with which they are certain of their victory is worrying and the hint that all is already lost makes me wonder even more about Hank's travels into time. Again, I'm left asking, where the hell is this going?
Date: 14 Mar 2010 21:52 Title: Chapter 25
Oh the odds are matched against the Pearl. Quite a face off. Then we have Nick back in time in the same place. Might he make an unscheduled reappearance at some point. Perhaps. It makes for an intriguing set up. Wherever the hell you are going with this.
Date: 12 Mar 2010 20:46 Title: Chapter 22
The opening scene with Nick Fulton is very intense and very well conveyed trekfan. You give a great perspective from whomever's POV you take in a scene. Sela's games are probably a little overmatched in terms of the wider game that is afoot. However, her plans are as likely to get people injured and cause many problems for the crew. More so than already. I like too how it is that Nick is motivated into action by the flashback sequence.
Date: 10 Mar 2010 20:39 Title: Chapter 21
I like how you keep coming back to keep a focus on character relationships. I also like the little mysteries or not so little in the case of the black hole and the other underground generator, that keep popping up. Are the the two generators somehow connected? Hmm?
Date: 10 Mar 2010 20:18 Title: Chapter 20
Loved the banter between Daren and Charles. Really are like an aged vintage the pair of them. You cna sit back and enjoy them in front of a fire with a pair of slippers! LOL!
Hank's communication with Maria does make one wary of what is going on and the fact that the study of the species of the alpha quadrant seems to be only a game, a scientific curiousity wrapped up in a smug superiorty means to say they are a very dangerous foe not motivated by anger or greed thus making them harder to defeat.
Date: 10 Mar 2010 20:06 Title: Chapter 19
The intrigue builds nicely as a mystery unfolds in some small parts. Sela is her usual angry self which sometimes is the failing of her own plans. Still her over confidence might be worrying for the reason that it might be in part well placed. Continued great mystery. [A few typos that I fixed] And Nick reflecting on missing out on the best part of the XO job is a nice touch.