Date: 30 May 2013 23:55 Title: Chapter 6
Ha! First, I love the quoted line from above to excuse the not laying out the escape of the ship. True it is irrelevant and not necessary. Mind I would have liked a little more in the balance stuff about Limis' future although I liked the fact it was duked out between two Admirals and that was a great way to tell it without any exposition.
I'd have liked to have had seen Kozar and Limis interaction upon her reinstatement to the ship and how that all played out. That had to make for some interesting dynamics. Of course, we're still left with the future working together and just how those dynamics will play out now after he usurped her control.
And of course, we see that the information had long felt reprecussions. Again, it is neat how you endeavour to dovetail things with DS9. That cannot be easy to try to do. So job very well done.
Date: 30 May 2013 23:50 Title: Chapter 5
Wow. Relieved of duty. Ok, so we breeze through a lot of events here. I do, really do, wish we got more from some of these scenes, that you exploited their full emotional impact and the dynamics of the persons involved. We get some great scenes but they get rushed through. It is very pared down to the nub. Admittedly, my own style is overly long and you can be very effective in this manner of getting to the kernal of the plot. However, you've a rich plot ot exploit and fantastic character outlines to be explored within those plots.
But boys, you sure know how to spin a yarn and throw so much at us at breakneck speeds albeit very clearly so and all along the plot rattles onwards like a runaway juggernaut.
Date: 30 May 2013 23:40 Title: Chapter 4
More nods to canon, from the previous running battle that suggested using the Bussard collectors ala Insurretion we have a scene here that calls to mind Archer and Janeway. Hardly Starfleet values in display but I doubt Limis worries about that. Her choice to interrogate in such fashion does seem a little rushed but in character we can suggest she is running a clock in her own head and it used to just making things happen instead of being confined by strictures.
But a very interesting plot point about the ketrecel white plant and the figuring it out from the stolen equipment. So now we know the important information that needs to get to Starfleet and be acted upon. Will they and captain Limis listen?
And intriguing to use a Dyson Sphere. Somehow this is a find worthy of protection and it galling in peace time it can hardly afford a top priority for Starfleet. But then so close to Romulan space maybe it should be. As it seems the Cardassians too have an interest in what is going on here.
Date: 30 May 2013 23:29 Title: Chapter 3
You have a sure love of Trek for you do put in the nods to canon and you sure do pick up on some of the particualr traits seen on the show. Cpatain disappearing to their ready room after a big incident leaving everyone else to pick up the pieces and the conducting of meetings ad hoc in inappropriate places.
Markalis makes a brief appearance but her personality shines through in the smallest of scenes. It's a neat way of teasing out the character and the mystery surrounding her files etc to only but give us little crumbs of her.
Then we come to things unfolding. We have Carson and Morrison fraternising again, all is not forgiven but they seem to have a need for one another that has to be sated. Neat continuity on that front and we'll have to see how that all progresses and develops.
Meantime, nasty Cardassian doesn't quite realise that on any other Starfleet vessel he might just have been ok. But Limis is going to find herself in a tough position and is going to push hard to get the answers she needs me thinks.
Date: 30 May 2013 23:19 Title: Chapter 2
The Breen! Dear oh. After ferengi and Nausicaans that was a bit of twist. The stealing of the gel pack is very weird and what's with the purpose of it. Quite a mysterious start to things with a neat piece of action to boot.
“Consider me on report.” from Tarlazzi is a great line and his smart mouth is like Carson's indicative of their informal Maquis style. I'm relieved to see that you don't leave off with the inter-tensions between the Fleeters and the Maquis. They may be able to work together but it doesn't mean it has to be smooth sailing. And the interactions for quite a few really start to shape the characters.
Tarlazzi and Logan are coming through nicely and I could imagine Logan's voice in that scene easily with the biting words. Likewise, we see that Kozar is still butting heads with his captain (albeit keeping a lid on it as much as he can) but she too is showing fire towards him with her own barbed comments (not exactly condusive to a good interpersonnal command team set-up there Limis).
Date: 30 May 2013 23:07 Title: Chapter 1
Have I become the enemy I seek to destroy. I think in my original review and wondered about the parallel to A Pale Moonlight episode inly my reckoning here is that we're not going to quite get the emotional character development reset we got in DS9 with Sisko's hand wrangling over that affair. Instead, Limis is a woman of action, of cause and doing what is right in the moment and it seems here by sstory's end even though it is the beginning she may well.
I like stories that take the approach of showing the end and then lead us up to that moment. Always enjoy figuring out the journey rather than the destination and given the cost of the battle just given an account of there to start precedings the information must be fairly important if Limis is of the opinion it was worth such losses.
Should be interesting to see where it goes from here.
Date: 02 May 2012 16:40 Title: Chapter 6
I like this story. It borrows a lot from other stories in Enterprise and Deep Space and combines them brilliantly. I like that Mirren dies from the torture, it adds depth and shows not everything can go rosy for a starfleet captain.
What I also love is the fact that you have a marquis and starfleet crew, like voyager, but unlike VOY you don't have them all forgetting their origins in the second episode, there is still some of that friction. I'm sure this will develop well in the future.
Another thing that I love is the tie in and explanation to Deep Space Nine, in my opinion the best ST series on the screens.
Excellent work, well written and brilliant described.
Author's Response: In terms of the torture and death of Mirren, I wanted to go a different route in terms of how torture is portrayed on television. The person being tortured doesn't suffer any permanent damage, he blurts out the desired information, and the heroes are able to avert disaster just in the nick of time. It doesn't always work out that way in real life. With that in mind, I recently added an extra scene where the crew is depicted verifying that Mirren's information is accurate, creating even more of a "Moral Dilemma" for Kozar relieving his captain of command and still acting on this information.
Date: 02 Dec 2011 23:43 Title: Chapter 2
I'm sorry I never seem to have gotten back to reviewing this story E1981. There is a vibe from the voice over and the story title that harks to the DS9 episode 'In a Pale Moonlight'. Given her Maquis background, Limis has made many a dubious moral choice in the past. So I'm intrigued to what action the opener refers to.
Also the battle in the murky clouds and pockets of gas were a little reminescent of a DS9 episode - I think it was Watership Down but I'm awful at recalling episode titles and of course the Briar Patch in Insurrection - so I like these little callouts and inspirations with your own spin on things making it very much a Lamba Paz tale.
I like character conflict because it is more true to life but of course on a military ship with a chain of command it can be hard to create that in a genuine way. However, given the Fleet/Maquis make up of this ship you have a sure fire way of generating such great character conflict. You capitalise on it but I'd say you don't egg it too much - thankfully as that would ruin matters. We see how Kozar is displeased/pissed off but bites his tongue and doesn't challenge the captain directly but addresses Tarlazzi on his own to rein in the more 'dangerous' suggestions.
After a rough battle we are then launched into a new spin as the ship is boarded what I can only assume to be pirates! This is interesting. But how did they know to act here and now? Are they scoping out the region? Are they in cahoots with the Dominion? Hmm ... lots to ponder here.
You have a break neck pace with telling stories which is always entertaining E1981. I have to commend you for it for I sometimes get too bogged down in side stories and scene development. However, I do also sometimes want to spend more time with your characters, inside their heads and to get more from them. I also commend how much story you cram into a chapter - your above chapter I'd definitely have bulked out over two or three chapters. I think you should afford yourself more indulgence in the story moments to exact the very best from the characters and plots you create. It would help the reader be more grounded in the setting and timeline of the story as well as be engaged in the characters even more.
But again, impressed by the story taking a tangent I was not expecting, the fistful of action and the set up for a thrilling story.
Author's Response: Better late than never I guess. LOL. Glad you enjoy this story and my approach to introducing various different. Of course, Season 1 sets the pace while Season 2, I think, affords more opportunities for individual character development.
Date: 02 Dec 2011 01:11 Title: Chapter 1
Yes that is so much more better! The modified chapters, five and six, finally bring a more satisfactory closure to this story and tie up all the loose ends. Good job! Not only that the whole story is now better off for it. I'm going to be doing something similiar with Secrets and Lies, adding new scenes, making it more complete.
Author's Response: Upon careful consideration, I wanted to depict the crew at least the accuracy of the information Mirren gave with his last dying breath. I was somewhat disappointed with the aforementioned Enterprise validated the propaganda on the use of torture despite Picard's assertion in "Chain of Command" on the reliability of physical torture as a means of extracting information.
Date: 28 Nov 2011 23:12 Title: Chapter 1
Another good episode (and that's what I'll call your stories because they are so like TV episodes of Star Trek). I personally thought Limis was right to get that information out of the Cardassian. I mean the Cardassian only suffered for what a few minutes? Limis got her information, because that Cardassian was taking it with him to his grave.
Even so I think there is a definite monster inside of Limis, by monster I mean when she is under pressure, when she needs to accomplish something, and many lives are at stake, she'll result to virtually any means to accomplish that something. Limis is just like Kira Nerys in that respect, though I wonder after the war how Limis is going to return to some sort of normality.
Limis is right when she says each death she inflicted makes a little part of her die. The way she acts is like she is in a shell, and her true feelings: the guilt, the despair of losing colleagues and so forth, just gets buried all the time.
You did a good job with Kozar as well, I dunno why but I felt like punching him when he took over command from Limis. He kept her in the dark about that one...
p.s. when are you going to add those extra scenes to chapter five?
Author's Response: These stories basically are set up like single hour-long episodes (with a few more recent a lot longer). It's mostly a story of having to make those tough decisions in war and was mostly inspired by "In the Pale Moonlight" when Sisko tries to convince himself he can live with the guilt and shame, but he really can't and the Enterprise episode "Anomaly" when Archer nearly suffocates the alien prisoner to learn what he knows about the Xindi. Of course, there's going to be hell to pay in later stories a la Duras's grudge against Archer. I should have the revised Chapters 5 and 6 ready to some time next week. After giving it some thought, I wanted to provide a more concrete resolution than in this version.
Date: 16 Sep 2009 18:55 Title: Chapter 1
Oh very interesting start. I wonder what the captain did. I guess I'll have to read on to find out. But I think that in a short segment you set up the gritty harsh realities faced aboard a ship battling against the Dominion. No big glory or heroic moves. Just duking it out one hard punch after the other. Good stuff.