Date: 06 Sep 2011 14:33 Title: Lessons Learned - Part Two
I agree with you that it's an exercise, but it's also a rather good one. Certainly better than a lot of best efforts. I am very impressed with the good, tight editing, and you are very comfortable with these characters, and absolutely live in their skins.
That having been said, I sometimes do this myself but I don't always love it, when things come together in a way that is perhaps a tad too convenient or coincidental. The pregnancy that turns out not to be, the right person is there at just the right time, the ring that is taken off at the correct moment, the waiting nail, etc.
I recognize that there is a need to wrap up stories, and sometimes you don't want to go back to a group of characters or write a sequel. It does make me wonder, though, what would have been if she had said, "Nuh-uh, I'm keeping the ring a little while longer." Actually, what I was hoping for was that it was not her at all, that it was a different person, a stranger but a familiar-appearing one. Not a long-lost daughter, just a stranger in a bar, a reminder of an earlier time.
Please don't think of this as disappointment - I apologize if it comes across that way. But I do see other ways this kind of a tale could have gone.
Author's Response: Jespah! Admittedly if I were to take this story on again now, I may have done exactly what you intimated. This was, honestly and truly, my VERY FIRST fan fic - ever. I had never written anything else before this. So I readily admit that it was a bit rote - a bit predicable. :) But this story gave birth to "Retribution" - and if anything, can show how a plot bunny born in a short, predictable plot, can give rise to something much more complex AND allow a noobie writer some good practice. TBH - I still have to keep from editing it to make it "better" but I wouldn't want to be called a Lucas! LOL! THANK YOU for reading it though and even more so for reviewing. I am NEVER offending by people offering opinions that can only help me improve my storytelling. <3