Date: 15 Aug 2009 17:29 Title: Chapter 14
A nice, understated launching ceremony for such an auspicious mission. Having Voyager's crew participate was a nice touch, a definite homage to all they accomplished in their time in the DQ. Captain Oyugo did well with the requisite pomp-and-circumstance, despite her still being unable to get a bead on the admiral.
I'll be fascinated to see what's become of the various species Voyager introduced us to, and how the Delta Quadrant has fared in the intervening years.
Date: 15 Aug 2009 12:14 Title: Chapter 14
Good to see the Tesseract underway. Adele's emotional state ahd to be in flux and that was related with her in the privacy of her own room. I like how in the launch she does not allow herself to be discomfited by the Admiral. Because for some reason he discomfits me! Her growing awareness of her subordinates and their potential to cause headaches with romances and everything else to boot is the mission becoming a reality for her. They are going to be out there and on their own for a time to come.
I like the thought of the crew celebrating this bug moment and the recreational deck being a hub of a party. Good to see that the crew has a fun spirit and a will to party.
Then we have the message from Janeway and the Voyager crewmembers. Totally spot on that they would have mixed opinions and feelings about this mission. And it is a fitting touch to have them address the crew. For Icheb it must be difficult to be setting off for a corner of the universe he knows so well but with a crew he has yet to know and trust in - thankfully he has his friends to call upon.
Onwards then to the adventures.
Date: 12 Aug 2009 16:01 Title: Chapter 13
Interesting chapter. Icheb still appears to be holding back, despite (or because) everything that's happened in the past 24-hours has been centered largely on him. He'd better fish or cut bait, because if he's hiding something it's going to look bad if Bashir discovers it first.
Bashir's his customary clever self, and I enjoyed seeing him weighing the potential medical benefits of Icheb's DNA re-sequencing. The captain was obviously uncomfortable with the necessity of having Icheb wear Bashir's device, but it was clearly a must if Icheb is to continue in his post as XO.
Date: 12 Aug 2009 15:24 Title: Chapter 12
Well played by Oyugo, separating the hyper-loyalty issues from the potential allegations of insubordination. The captain has a talent for handling people with just the right touch, without appearing either passive or overbearing.
And Quigley, for his part, had better raise some professional boundaries with his friends, or he's going to get busted down to this mission's Ensign Kim billet.
Date: 10 Aug 2009 21:32 Title: Prologue
To paraphrase my ongoing commentary at the TrekBBS fanfic board, you've created a compelling cast of characters, a fascinating platform for adventure in the form of the Tesseract herself, and an engrossing mystery that begs to be explored.
You're hitting on all cylinders with this tale, and I'm eagerly awaiting more.
Date: 10 Aug 2009 18:38 Title: Chapter 11
The inclusion of the council is great conceit adding huge plot potentials, character interactions and conflict. The possibilities for political intrigue and jostling for power and influence is just too rich a vein not to be explored. I hope we see some of the like developing over the course of the story. But then I like dubious alliances and backstabbing in stories.
As others have said, this is bound to be a major headache for Adele. A huge source of frustration and a bureaucracy to contend with on her own ship never mind Admiralty. The fact she has an Admiral onboard as well as these advisors only compounds her issues. The Admiral in question too seems too wily and clever by far. In a way he has managed to subtly undermine and chastise the captain in front of the council but without making a negative impression of himself. I don't think I can trust him too easily and can see why Adele might be more than wary of him. He has huge potential to cause chain of command issues and power struggles later on.
I liked the concept of the council for it only makes sense considering the scope of the mission and the size of the ship. It explains too why a relatively inexperienced captain still finding her feet and command style could be given such an important job - with the council there to defer and/or ratify treaties or global issues. Especially so in light of Janeway's tenure in the Delata Q as the de facto Federation presence. No doubt upon her return many with Starfleet took umbrage to many of the decisions she took. This is their way to curtail damaging decisions made on the say so of one person.
I also liked how the captain is still finding her feet and is not quite comfortable or dominating this council. That'll be something she has to work on - unless the Admiral undermines her further. But it shows a character with potential to grow and change. Looking forward to seeing more of her development.
And again the idea of the council is a novel approach and shows the thought and attention you've put into this story. With the scope of the mission and the size of the ship little surprises and touches such as this are to be expected but all too often can only be hoped for. Really and truly a well turned out job.
Date: 10 Aug 2009 18:32 Title: Prologue
Ok, so this is pretty much my first comment as I said over on TrekBBS. The first thing that struck me was the inclusion and decision to use the character of Icheb from Voyager. Nice to see the character of Icheb explored more. The fact that we will do so in a new and unique setting with OC characters is going to be interesting. Voyager had a knack for creating good characters, but sometimes the execution of giving them good stories or simply even using them was badly done. So From tthe outset I was excited to see you go down this road.
Not to mention we get a little special guest appearance from Janeway. Can't help thinking she would be in two minds about the mission. A part of her would probably love the opportunity to go back but again considering their forced absence from Starfleet for over seven years one can see why she might not have opted to go along.
It is a fascinating prospect about going back to the DQ after these years and fly the Federation flag on a planned seven year mission. It is a neat idea to go back to exploring strange new worlds and the like.
However, considering the sheer scale of this ship and the crew involved, there's a world within itself to explore. Initially I hoped that you devote some time to expanding on it, the mechanical and technological issues bound to arise, nevermind the many interpersonal and departmental issues that would plague a ship of that size. I know from reading on that this is exactly what you do and I'm thrilled with it. I anticipate that you'll spring many surprises and novel touches to this tale. I can't anticipate what they'll be mind but certainly looking forward to them.
Another initial thought I had when I read this was the following:With that in mind I also would question the validity of such a new captain and young commander having charge of such a complex mission. Maybe there ought to be more of a command staff who help share the captain's burden along with Icheb. I understand that with a mission back to the DQ they would take on someone as young [and yes capable but still relatively inexperienced] along with first hand knowledge or experience at least that would be invaluable.
Again, this is something you tackle throughout these opening chapters and it creates a pleasing read to see this character take on this burden and mission.
Should be interesting to see how you continue this, how it is developed and what direction you take.