Date: 28 May 2014 21:34 Title: Chapter 1 of 1
Terilynn, I want to tell you that I really loved this story.
First off, the scene setting is very good, it comes across naturally and in very few words. You went into detail where you needed to and, when you didn't need to, you didn't. A lot of writers would have either over-explained or under-explained. You really hit a good balance here. Your vision was well communicated without robbing the reader of his or her imagination.
The message and the point also came across extremely well. You got across Cassidy's feelings of imperfection and perhaps unworthiness by having her identify with the ruined candy sculpture. It was also disturbing to see Will (I admit I have never liked the character) characterize Deanna as 'perfect'. For a child who feels imperfect, to be told that Mommy is perfect, and to utterly believe all of Daddy's pronouncements, opinions, and judgments, is a recipe for gutted self-esteem. And to know that Cassidy is already getting therapy only adds to the punch.
I have something similar (it is actually a chapter of a far longer book) where a character talks about how a terraformed world was deliberately populated only with beautiful birds. It is all peacocks and bluebirds and it is lovely, but the ecosystem is collapsing. And this is all happening because plain old bug-eating sparrows were not allowed on the planet. The character, who sees herself (and others see her this way as well) as plain, is emotionally affected by this. When the person she is telling this to tells her that she is identifying with the sparrows, she agrees. When they become lovers, this person calls her Sparrow, and the name is meaningful because it is a reminder that imperfection can, in its own way, be quite beautiful.
Mary Sues have no such problems. But you have no Mary Sue here.
Very well done indeed.
Date: 24 Nov 2012 15:05 Title: Chapter 1 of 1
I don't honestly know how I missed this story but damn ... that's just a perfect little scene to describe Cass. Well done, Terlynn, well done.
Author's Response: TF!! Wow! How nice of you! I love getting reviews, even so long after I've written a piece! Glad you enjoyed it. Cass will be getting more coverage as soon as I find a way out of a certain corner I've written her brother into. XD Sigh.
Date: 05 Jan 2010 05:50 Title: Chapter 1 of 1
Well the piece was flawless. I wondered at the title when we found ourselves in the candy shop and then as the sights and wonders of the candy shop were explored, almost like through the eyes of a child like an enchanted place, I almost forgot about the title. Then we came to the sugar glass and as the blower worked his art I started getting a lump as I figured where this might be headed. But the optimist in me wanted that Cass would want the flawed piece and get it, instead like her I was shattered when the artist smashed it. To make matters worse the salesman tried to explain it but to a child who sees herself as flawed, as broken, that was so not the thing to say. A dark harbringer in ways to Cass' ultimate decision to turn and betray those closest to her. But we get a small inkling of the troubling waters at her core.
Date: 06 Feb 2009 18:05 Title: Chapter 1 of 1
Awwww...you definitely nailed the thinking of a little kid in the way Cassidy reacted. I know that I would've found it disturbing at that age!
And seeing Riker as a family man--it works a lot better than I thought it would. :-)
Author's Response: Thanks Nerys! This is an exercise about The youngest Riker kid in my Heritage series. Cassidy suffers from a Betazoid "birth defect" which plays a major role in her life and in her family's as well. There looks to be 4 books in all - the first is already complete.
Date: 04 Feb 2009 13:53 Title: Chapter 1 of 1
This story presages the darkness and betrayal to come and gives valuable insights into the young mind of the Riker's most conflicted offspring. A touching yet troubling story that tugs at the heartstrings while simultaneously setting an uncomfortably anticipatory lump in the pit of the reader's stomach.
Author's Response: *grins* I can tell that you have read far enough into Heritage to know where Cassidy ends up. Thank you so much for the feedback - Cassidy has much, much more to say! :)
Date: 01 Feb 2009 11:23 Title: Chapter 1 of 1
Cassidy is beyond intriguing. All of your characters are engaging, but Cass is the one that I've been drawn to since the beginning, constantly curious to see what she would do and why. It's not hard to see where even a charmed life, or a seemingly charmed life, had many moments in it that were anything but. Overall, though, I can only hope that in the end, she doesn't turn out to be a villain. Good stuff, Terilynn!
Author's Response: Thanks Steff: I will only say that she's been a real enigma - even for me. Cassidy has a very finite and extremely unforgiving sense of right and wrong. There is no such thing as a gray area for her... Rikers never do anything small.