Date: 28 Mar 2009 17:52 Title: Timeline
It's an interesting story. I think my biggest problem was that it seemed a bit disjointed -- like you had several things going on at once, but I somehow missed the threads that tied it all together. Still, what parts were devoted to more character study (like what was going through Barclay's head) were good -- his conclusions strike me as a bit out there, but then Barclay never really struck me as being all that realistic. So, the time spent focusing on how he thought, and tried to control his own neurotic nature was nicely insightful.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, Steff! As Commander Data once said, "It's hard getting accurate feedback!"
There are definitely disconnected multiple threads that begin this novel-length story, but you'll see some satisfying convergence in Episode 2, and much more in Episode 4. The faithful reader will be rewarded!
Necessity was the mother of invention, but The Doctor knew another of her offspring.
A darker, older one, a black sheep, a child that had shamed its family and so was locked away.
But the child had stolen the key.
Theft was loosed upon the world...
Date: 21 Mar 2009 01:45 Title: Teaser
Umm..I liked this. And yes, it does feel like an episode and as a teaser quite good..I could even here the bland music in the background..will be fun to see where you take this..
Author's Response: Thanks for noticing. Episode 1 is now completed so I would be interested if you still feel the writing structure has helped maintain more of the look and feel of a TV episode, i.e. if that has been achieved at all. Sam.