Date: 02 Aug 2014 15:56 Title: Unspoken: Part IV
Wow indeed, you give them the magically moment that they’ve being building to, and you make it special once more for them and the reader even if we’ve know ever since she rescue Danny from Death that Kiss had to happen sooner or later.
Her reaction to being asked to Danny was another nice little scene to show how much a tool she being under the organization and indeed her reviewing of the word passions meaning and Danny chaos is play perfectly. This is an enjoyable and easy read and well worth the pay off, can wait to see where this goes in future chapters.
Date: 02 Aug 2014 15:49 Title: Unspoken: Part III
Well that was an unexpected chapter, I’m not sure if this is a flashback or a dream, hence the real reason why Danny avoid sleeping, is he remembers the pain and the hold his temper has over him and the realization it the same temper that controls his mother.
That was a hard read but that was a testament to the believability of the situation and no fault with your prose. I like that he use poor grades to hurt her back, it seems a believable action for a smart kid who being screw up by an abusive parent. I applaud you for having the courage and strength to write and post that chapter.
Date: 02 Aug 2014 15:43 Title: Unspoken: Part II
Good to see even in the age of replicated food that the honest old Bacon and Eggs can win over anybody. Well apart from Vulcan’s.
Still I do like how you switch between Danny and Jill POV over the course of this story, as we get to know each of the characters from their obvious and sub-coconscious actions.
You’ve left me wondering what the Organization big plan is and how much aid that downloaded data will provide them with. I think Jill right to worry about Danny but I suspect Danny is lying to hide his concern, as he now needs to avoid two major and powerful organizations, worse of all one of them might already knowing where Danny and Jill are running to from the future chip.
Date: 02 Aug 2014 15:34 Title: Unspoken: Part I
Danny exhibiting some kind of self-control, I not sure I can believe that either.
Once again you do a good job with these two characters, their actions and Danny internal monolog on it feel nature and true.
Especially Danny shock about a future descendant and why he was taken and had the chip put in his brain.
This chapter of your story is sum up by your line “The hard questions always hurt.”
The fact that Jill explains about the chip and her link to project chimera says more about there budding relationship more than all the little actions and Danny’s unacted on desires. Stellar work is all I can say.
Date: 02 Aug 2014 15:22 Title: Survival: Part IV
Again a well handle aftermath to the last chapter and it clear that both Danny and jill are starting to fall for each other even if it’s at the worse possable time. The fact the Shuttle’s arrival stop they first kiss was a clever way to create narrative tension. The fact that the enemy realize the plan and have tried to stop the escape only to be done by the S31 skill hardwired into Danny was entertaining, still the escape show how control Jill life has being up to this escape. The big question is how fast can they run from the enemy and what nice place does Danny want to talk Jill to?
Date: 02 Aug 2014 15:07 Title: Survival: Part III
Poor Jill, she might have being given the best training by Section 31 but even they couldn’t have guess the strange emotions that Danny would invoke, and the monster dinosaur attack stir up a lot of things, but it also goes to show the Danny of old is still there still capable of pulling a surprise out of the bag when no-one expect it.
Still the scene of them vomiting in unison over the stinking monster remains just add to how alike they both are, especially when Jill works out how Danny sped up the phase self destruction. Another fine piece of work from your pen, my good sir.
Date: 02 Aug 2014 14:59 Title: Survival: Part II
Great flick to Danny POV and showing the batter, broken and tired man for once needing some help and finding a woman who is to much like a mirror, someone who he can see himself in, and hear from her lips the same lies he told himself before many times.
The flashbacks show how Danny bad start has color the man he is now and how well they're worked into the narrative as they fit seamless into the story.
Danny worries about his tiredness and the monster in the woods are nicely balance as usual for your work.
Date: 02 Aug 2014 14:47 Title: Survival: Part I
Nice to see this piece up in the Archive as it was a great WFW piece and I think the final polish has help to make it near perfect. IT goes to show how Danny has turn a weapon back into a woman, one who will question her ruthless superiors because she got to see inside the Pandora box that is Danny mind. Not a lot more I can say other than this was pitch perfect starting chapter as you don’t need to have read any of the earlier story to understand the situation or to be hook by that last line.