Date: 14 Jun 2014 03:07 Title: Chapter 3
That was a tough read - the prose was beautiful, as ever, but bearing witness to Carlisle's final minutes, feeling his sorrow and agony as he saw the ship (and his personnel) being battered around him. Starting to wonder if that girder was really a blessing, or a curse...
Loved the connection here to your own universe, and OC's, just wish it was under better circumstances. Something tells me this isn't gonna end well, unless you're rooting for the Dominion.
Date: 14 Jun 2014 02:56 Title: Chapter 2
Nice segue from the previous chapter to this one - diplomats arguing about the problem and Starfleet personnel now in the thick of it.
I like how things started slow and relaxed - gave us the chance to meet some very interesting characters - and all of a sudden all hell breaks loose.
Peter Dinklage immediately came to mind for me as well for the character of Bronislaw.
Date: 13 Jun 2014 23:14 Title: Chapter 1
Dissension among the ranks. I've always suspected that some members of the Federation felt this way, but neat to see it vocalized here. And leave it to the Dominion to take advantage of this, driving a wedge into a small fissure which is sure to open into a huge rift.
Date: 11 Jun 2014 01:04 Title: Chapter 6
Wow, what a gripping ending segment. An epic battle all the more epic for the tragedy and fultility of it all. You played the grand picture scheme of it all well, within the scope of the bridge crew devastation. The focus on one ship mirroring the fate and bravery of so many others. Really well depicted.
Then, the end. Hard, cold words. Ringing in the chambers. Ringing in eternity. Because the truth is he's right - they all do burn. This is the beginning of the end. This si the Fall. Well played. Well played.
Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed this. It was...fun, in a way, to stretch myself and try something this dark, so I'm very pleased you and everyone else has enjoyed this so far. Thank you!
Date: 11 Jun 2014 01:00 Title: Chapter 5
Damn. Isn't it telling that both sides believe the other is foresaking Andoria here. The bitter ugly truth is that there is really no other choice. Andoria has fallen. It isn't Starfleet foresaking them. It isn't a cowardly Andorian people fleeing. It is the harsh reality of a singularly minded Dominion seeking a total victory. It's reaching a crescendo here. I love the build up. The chaos. The unclean nature of everything. The already ugly recriminations and fault laying as Andoria falls. And the fact that brave people are making a desperate stand. (I want to picture some of my Border Dogs doing their bit there too, holidng the line). If this were onscreen, now would be the time for epic soaring music piece.
Author's Response: That's a really good point...and now you've got me mad I didn't ask you for some Border Dogs input. lol...I'm sure a few were in there, definitely. Like...yeah, that ship. Right there. No, the one on the left. Your OTHER left...
Date: 11 Jun 2014 00:55 Title: Chapter 4
Damn. I thought they had somehow pulled the impossible off there for a second. That you had lured us into the defeatist mentality. It seemed victory was indeed possible. Maybe the play on Demons was the fact the Angels had fought like demons - they did - but damn, the announcement of a second fleet. Shit meet fan.
Date: 11 Jun 2014 00:52 Title: Chapter 3
Neat visualisation of the destruction nailing the carnage and brutal swift nature of the brute attack and it clearly demonstrates how hard tasking the Dominion forces are in this instance. I also like the shout outs to your regular verse but even apart from that, the time taken for a character to wish goodbye on their dying breath is a great way to add meaninglful impact to the events. So it ends up more than kewl 'plosions. Instead, this is life being ripped apart and away. Meantime, it is clear that the fate of Andoria is very, very precarious indeed.
Date: 11 Jun 2014 00:40 Title: Chapter 2
Here you are, setting up a nice little scene on a bridge, getting us cosy with the crew, the promise of some character introduction, interactions and development and then - KICK - straight in with the action and the dire straits from the very off.
It's different for sure to take such an approach and is illustrative of how much of a surprise ambush this attack is on the Angels. One of course, would hope for future character interaction and development but sometimes, yes, the story requires for the action to be big, bold and ugly.
Especially, given the character of Bronsilaw who screams potential. One hopes for his survival but of course in a story titles the Fall - Demons of Andoria, I ain't holding my breath. Especially, as the name also comes under the Angels of Andoria which I know in your own universe met a very sad and tragic end. I picture a similar fate here. Which is actually a neat connection. And of course, the angel word play on Demons is terrific too.
Author's Response: I'm glad you noticed the name from the WFW...And yeah, it really sucks. I never really thought much of Bronislaw (he dies...rather quickly in the Angels story) so I never bothered to really flesh the character out. He really was a lot of fun to write. *shrug* Since the story doesn't exist yet, it's certainly not too late for a retcon, right? :)
Date: 11 Jun 2014 00:32 Title: Chapter 1
oooh. Terrific window in time to take a peek into. We see clearly, that the growing threat of the Dominion worked here in so many ways to undermine the Federation. Firstly, they used their skills of spying and treachery to great effect to gain important information, but they also make pinpoint decisions about where to strike in order to cause and foster the greatest division within the powers that hold the Federation together. It is a cunning, calculated move by the Dominion. But that's perfectly their character and especially in a universe where they eventually triumph. In many ways actually, it illustrates one fault of canon whereby the Dominion seemed lose some of their bite and ruthless nature in order to facilitate a Starfleet win.
The growing hatred, division and dissension in the chambers is striking and then the choice of ending is sinister and in its own way a shocking reveal. Well played.
Date: 10 Jun 2014 19:14 Title: Chapter 6
Maybe not all of them, but even one more is worth it
Wow. What a gripping, tragic ending. You wonderfully captured the hell of war and the small acts of bravery. I love what you did with this, from such small hints in the timeline I sent you to create a such a complete, well-rounded story... Fantastic. Well done!
Author's Response: Very glad you enjoyed it, and thank you again for letting me try and jump in on your universe. It was very fun to write (for as dark as it went...heh) for you and help flesh out this universe. Thank you very much for the kind review
Date: 10 Jun 2014 19:11 Title: Chapter 5
And a defence mission turns into a rescue mission... Harsh but understandable here from the Andorian minister, and Bronislaw is a brave man for obeying that order, knowing what it may cost his people. A truly thrilling finale here, you've done a fantastic job capturing the darkness of the Fall!
Date: 08 Jun 2014 04:02 Title: Chapter 6
Bronislaw gave it his all, as did so many of them. Quite the portrait of bravery at the end, of final valor as the odds just overwhelmed them. This is a hard and painful end for so many, and at least some of it can be laid at the feet of the officials who miscalculated. Affecting and haunting, really terrific work here.
Date: 08 Jun 2014 03:54 Title: Chapter 5
Great nod to canon - the Kumari was Shran's ship, but I'm sure you knew that. Awful and believable, this is a panicked evacuation, not the orderly nonsense we always seemed to see on the screen. People would not be behaving rationally or calmly. What you're showing is far more realistic.
Date: 07 Jun 2014 21:48 Title: Chapter 4
No happy, neat little ending here, I see.
A lot of people shy away from killing their darlings or providing true adversity to their characters. I am pleased and impressed to see you doing both here.
Author's Response: There was no other way for it. If you go to the forums, in the "Soundtrack of your fic" thread, I posted the song that's been inspiring a lot of the writing for this one. It was going to be helpless and tragic...it was just a matter of getting comfortable enough doing it, which I'm still not sure I really got. If nothing else, it was good practice.
Date: 07 Jun 2014 20:06 Title: Chapter 4
Damn. The Dominion isn't messing around. That's relentless.
Author's Response: CaptainSarine's "The Fall/Restoration" timeline is (obviously) very different from the original timeline; I envisioned a lot of the numbers and relentlessness we see in battles at Chintoka and the run for DS9 when I started thinking of the numbers of Dominion ships for this, especially since (in this timeline) the Dominion has unrestricted access to through the wormhole. They can just pour their full might into any battle.