You must login (register) to review.
Reviewer: Mistral Signed [Report This]
Date: 16 Jan 2014 06:05 Title: Foreward

What I meant was, in the section I quoted, it's hard to determine who you are talking about by the end of the section..

Author's Response: ah right, it was somewhat vague the initial line.

Reviewer: Mistral Signed [Report This]
Date: 16 Jan 2014 06:04 Title: Part One: 1961:: "Cometh the Man, Cometh the Fall", Chapter 1 Washington DC

Ah- Walking down the aisle came the white-haired man who led the country and had done so for some time now. As he walked he stopped briefly to shake hands or exchange jokes with lackeys. Behind him was Vice-President Joseph McCarthy, his stubble-lined face adding to that reputation as a rabble-rouser both in the Senate and in the White House. Once all had taken positions the cheering and applause had died down. -Very awkward in phrasing. NAd the part of how his dad got him the naval commission-you forgot the word "to"-there are a few other structural errors that disconnect the story...

Author's Response: that initial part seemed well enough, certainly it passed two beta's but we'll look into it.

Reviewer: Mistral Signed [Report This]
Date: 15 Jan 2014 04:05 Title: Chapter 3, Zeus One

Now that was a neat chapter!

Reviewer: Mistral Signed [Report This]
Date: 15 Jan 2014 04:00 Title: Chapter 2, Galveston Island, Texas

OK, a creepy turn of events. "Swiping a card" means their tech is farther advanced than ours? And Diet Dr Pepper? Sounds more like 81 than 61.

Author's Response: Diet Dr Pepper was introduced in 1962 and apparently LBJ had it stocked a great deal for Air Force One. Who knows.

Reviewer: Mistral Signed [Report This]
Date: 15 Jan 2014 03:56 Title: Part One: 1961:: "Cometh the Man, Cometh the Fall", Chapter 1 Washington DC

Beautiful world building, but you have a few technical errors.

Author's Response: If you don't mind elaborating I'd be appreciative so I know.

Reviewer: Mistral Signed [Report This]
Date: 13 Jan 2014 04:21 Title: Foreward

More? Please?

Author's Response: more is coming soon, the first part which will consist of three chapters...once I figured how to properly upload :)

You must login (register) to review.