Date: 31 Jul 2014 02:57 Title: "Spirited Away"
Hmmm. It is definitely an intriguing piece. There's much about it that suggests this is fititng for early Earth space flight history or some sort of alternate universe because much of the tone and technology is not fitting to canon. So obviously canon does not matter to the telling of a good story and I certainly feel there is a good story behind this. I've read stories that are sci-fi but essentially that are actually Trek fan fiction with the numbers filed down. This actually feels rather the reverse. A true original sci-fi setting with a few nods to being Trek. That said, I'm intrigued by it.
There are a number of things that do bug me and a few others that actually detract from the whole. One that bugged me was the usage of the * to denote thought. It's actually distracting and takes a reader out of the situation. I'd suggest a different manner of presenting the thought processes. The other big issue that's not a bug but a detraction from the story is how much of it is carried by the internal thought monologues of the ship's captain. The story would be served better by some of this coming out via speech to someone or through impressions, remarks, tiny useful but tailored info dumps that do not come off as exposition.
There are lots of intriguing aspects - the type of ship, the time frame if fitting to Trek, failing it fitting to Trek simply then the politics of this entire set up and whatever went down with the captain and his choice to go into deep space isolation and whatever the perceived crimes are. There's also the AI abilities of the computer. It went HAL already - might it do so again. Then there's the beef with Caroline. It's intriguing what lies under it all, although it is also problematic for being so rushed in its introduction and then seemingly in its resolution. Far too much of a turn around for there to be any reader reaction or investment in what could have been a really interesting dynamic.
Date: 30 May 2014 20:07 Title: "Spirited Away"
This is an interesting story that makes me wonder, from its beginning, what happened to render the ship's captain and crew fugitives from Earth.
I find it interesting that the computer automatically put the ship in isolation mode. It is always a bit frightening when the computer does things humans haven't commanded it to do.
I found it interesting that Captain Sannox distrusted Caroline, and wasn't really clear on why. She came through well on solving the problem in the end, and I am glad the Captain realized that she had no reason to betray them and maybe he was wrong to mistrust her.
The last paragraph is ominous, and makes me wonder if this is a small group within the Earth government (presumably the Federation, unless this is AU or pre-Federation Earth)which is out to get the ship and crew, or exactly who is after them.
An interesting story, and one I would like to see expanded.