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Reviewer: Mistral Signed [Report This]
Date: 12 Nov 2013 05:18 Title: Chapter 4

Very well done, shadowing th eoriginal story.

Reviewer: Lil black dog Signed [Report This]
Date: 06 Nov 2013 19:59 Title: Preface

I liked this ending a lot.  I always thought Mitchell got the short end of the stick in TOS.  He seemed to have potential, and to be altruistic in spite of how things turned out.  It was fulfilling to see him have a choice in the matter, and for his death this time to make a difference, not only for the crew of Kirk's Enterprise, but for Earth as well.  Well done, sir. :)

Reviewer: Lil black dog Signed [Report This]
Date: 06 Nov 2013 19:41 Title: Preface

I too had the feeling that something was wrong, above and beyond the presence of Mitchell.  Glad to know that I was right in spite of not being familiar with the original episodes.

Yikes!  Didn't see that turn of events coming at all.  Can the NX-01 still hope to fix things?

Reviewer: Lil black dog Signed [Report This]
Date: 06 Nov 2013 19:25 Title: Chapter 2

This is definitely getting interesting.  You have a good handle on the TOS main players, and I'm loving the nuggets interspersed throughout, like Kelowitz and Washburn.

Again, totslly unfamiliar with the scene they are "jumping into" but the story stands on its own merits.  Nice work so far. :)

Reviewer: Lil black dog Signed [Report This]
Date: 04 Nov 2013 18:31 Title: Chapter 1

Not familiar at all with the episodes on which it is based, but really digging it anyway. :D



Author's Response: Thaks, LBD. Of course, one only really needs to be familiar with "The City on the Edge of Forever" and "Where No Man Has Gone Before." :)

Reviewer: Mackenzie Calhoun Signed [Report This]
Date: 04 Nov 2013 11:44 Title: Chapter 4

E1981 you have written an inspired story, expertly moulding Yesterday's Enterprise. I think having Mitchell as the Tasha of the story was the clincher. Brilliant story.

Author's Response: Thanks. I had been floating an idea like this awhile, but the biggest for me was who would be in the role of Guinan by suggesting that history had been altered. Then after seeing "City of the Edge of Forever" for the umpteenth time, it came to me to have Kirk, Spock, and McCoy have that intuitive sense.

Reviewer: TemplarSora Signed [Report This]
Date: 31 Oct 2013 08:15 Title: Chapter 4

"He could hear a booming voice in his mind telling him, 'All is as it was before.'"

Boom! Nailed it! Sorry, I get excited when I get a feeling how something is going to turn out and then be right about it.

Awesome ending to the story. Absolutely well done. I loved how you made mention that, while Gary's death seemed meaningless, it was also for the safety of the ship, and that he hadn't had a choice in the matter. That seems like it would be on much the same level as Tasha's death, but with the added twist of the knife to Gary; it's like he's left asking "Why was I killed to keep the ship safe? What did I DO that endangered my friends?" That makes his request to get off the Enterprise and change his fate, from villain to hero, that much better.

And of course you had to keep the speech in there. Kirk's delivery of it sounded great, without much of the formality Picard had.

And then a nice tidy wrap up...while not much the same as Tasha's change to a meaningful death (but with no one to really remember it except MAYBE Guinan and the Klingons) we see Kirk actually able to recognize that his friend did get this second chance at a heroic death and that he had taken it.

This was absolutely great. Well done.

Reviewer: TemplarSora Signed [Report This]
Date: 31 Oct 2013 07:54 Title: Chapter 3

And now the pieces are falling into place.

First, I loved that, while everyone has had a nagging feeling that something isn't quite normal, McCoy is the one you chose to be the "advisor" to Kirk to put the feeling in words in the same way Guinan approaches Picard. Their relationship is perfect for that kind of revelation to be made.

I also like how you tie in the Guardian; while in TNG Picard relies solely on Guinan's intuition to make his decision, you've given the whole trio the ability to perceive these otherwise invisible changes to the timeline. It makes the decision seem much more believable when Kirk decides the NX-01 has to go home, and also adds a new layer to the scenario to make this truly your own story. Really awesome idea.

And now Archer is dead? How in the world are you going to be fixing this? I get the feeling the Guardian is going to come into play again/for the first time (for this crew, at least).

Reviewer: jespah Signed [Report This]
Date: 29 Oct 2013 18:24 Title: Chapter 4

Interesting, as the story not only evokes the TNG Yesterday's Enterprise episode, but also the ENT Twilight episode, where the ship essentially meets its end, and all are lost, in an effort to restore the proper timeline.

A fitting and better end for Mitchell, certainly. Well done.



Author's Response: I hadn't really considered the similarities to "Twilight". The full screenplay version of the "Yesterday's Enterprise" ending battle scene was a lot more graphic than just Riker being killed. Glad you enjoyed the whole story.

Reviewer: TemplarSora Signed [Report This]
Date: 29 Oct 2013 13:10 Title: Chapter 2

Very neat melding of the now three different treks (ENT and TOS with the TNG plotline); the lines and actions are being delivered very naturally, and it's extremely easy to hear Bakula and Shatner here. The changing of the away team to include Kirk instead of the first officer (like we saw in TNG) was also a great example of the different way this different crew would handle the situation. Archer's telling Kirk about his previous experience with time travel and his seeming to be completely unphazed by being 100 years removed from his own time is also pretty spot on.

Very interested to see where this fits in in the ENT timeline, since Mayweather is dead. I have my ideas, but I'll hold off for now. Still, this is starting to shape up to be pretty good.

Author's Response: Glad you're noticing some of the various subtle nuances in terms of the dialogue and the handling of the landing party. The biggest challenge I felt for this exercise was giving the story more of a TOS feel in terms of how the characters react to each other and unexpected situations. Like I said in another reply, Daniels can probably fix things afterwards.

Reviewer: FalseBill Signed [Report This]
Date: 26 Oct 2013 11:24 Title: Chapter 3

Now that was a good idea to have Those who went through the guardian forever to be able to sense that history isn’t right and trying to work out what is the correct path for them.

Was good to see Spock to be logical about not second guessing history and McCoy saying returning would be dead for the NX-01 crew.

Of course the Romulan scout would kill Archer and now History is beyond being restored, can Kirk trust T’Pol to do the job, who from enterprise will volunteer to go back and help make the difference?

Good notch work with this story so far.

Reviewer: FalseBill Signed [Report This]
Date: 26 Oct 2013 11:15 Title: Chapter 2

Well that is an interesting tale, you doing a great job with re-casting Archer and Kirk into the Garret and Picard roles.

An inspired choice of highlighting the time line changes by having Uhura wearing the slacks rather than the mini-dress uniform.

You painting the scene well and the flow of story is good.

Reviewer: FalseBill Signed [Report This]
Date: 26 Oct 2013 11:06 Title: Chapter 1

What an interesting twist for dress up, what would the federation be like if NX-01 had done a Enterprise-C and disappear into another time zone.

Well you do a nice job here of hinting at the darkness of NX-01 not making the key difference and thus the coalition stalemate with the Romulan star Empire is even worse for them.

Inspired choice to bring Gary Mitchell in the Tasha Yar role, this will be fun to see how this works out.

Good work with the text and prose, you recall the yesterday enterprise episode while giving it a TOS twist all of your own.

Reviewer: jespah Signed [Report This]
Date: 25 Oct 2013 17:09 Title: Chapter 3

Well, time's a-wasting and you're running out of NX-01 crew members. What to do, what to do? Paging Gary Mitchell ....



Author's Response: Well, Daniels can fix it afterwards.

Reviewer: jespah Signed [Report This]
Date: 23 Oct 2013 15:01 Title: Chapter 2

Poor Travis is lost!

Good work re T'Pol and getting her vocal inflections down.

Reviewer: TemplarSora Signed [Report This]
Date: 22 Oct 2013 03:49 Title: Chapter 1

WHOO! Wow dude, this is an awesome start. I can't wait to see where this goes!

Reviewer: jespah Signed [Report This]
Date: 21 Oct 2013 16:06 Title: Chapter 1

Oh ho ho!!

And so it begins. Very promising start!

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