Date: 22 Oct 2013 07:44 Title: Act One
First off, I loved the description of the shuttle like a reverse panda; now that I think about it, it's the perfect description. That was awesome. Next, her first look at the Farragut. I think we've all gotten use to these big ship reveals with all the lights on and the beauty and majesty, and here Farragut is just...almost dead. Leone picked a better descriptor, obviously, but it must have been a bit of a let down for her. She's obviously an excited new captain, so she's had this expectation of her first view of the ship, and with everything off she seems a bit sad by the let down.
And who are these two clowns in deflector control? Nothing good can come of this.
I got my first taste of Leone in Chains of Error, and then in To Triumph and Not to Mourn. It'll be neat to see these early adventures of that woman. It almost feels like when I started watching TOS after the original movies, to see where all those characters started.
Date: 27 Apr 2013 14:03 Title: Act One
I liked this chapter a lot. The old friendship between Leone and Nieles feels genuine, as does the shift in the relationship as her career has taken a higher road than his.
The exchange between Leone and Tennyson seemed very formal. I can only hope a true camaraderie develops between the CO and XO - it'll make for a smoother transition for them as a command team, and help them present a united front to the crew.
Also, the banter between Belkis and Saleb was enjoyable as well - one very uptight, high-strung, the other seeking to enjoy their little escapade (although I'm sure it won't prove to be fun for the Farragut's crew) as much as the situation allows. That they're 'bad guys' is obvious, but you still imbue them with personality and character - they aren't just two-dimensional, cookie-cutter antagonists. But *who* are they, and *why* are they doing what they're doing?
Date: 11 Jun 2012 14:49 Title: Act One
"Rob, where are you bunking me?"
Ho ho! I love some of this dialogue, double entendres and all... I'm also interested by Leone's friendships in terms of how they become a bit strained (or more like less contact) due to her and her friend's changing careers. Also intrigued by what Belkis and Saleb are up to... Terrorism? Serving some agency or government? Or just dangerous rogues with an agenda?
Date: 18 Mar 2009 14:46 Title: Act One
The prologue was a nice teaser of the action to come and this Act sets an ominious mood with the dire consequences outlined by the two mystery workers. A nice set up, especially countered with the playful banter of the two.
Really like the dialogue between Leone and her subordinates and former friends. There's a formal discipline to it but a friendly tone/edge too. The slight awkardness too between Leone and Wilson was a nice inclusion, adding some character issues that aren't melodramatic but probably wuite par the course for Federation career types.
The patter of talk about landing permissions etc also sounded very authentic but easy going too for the reader. That can actually be difficult for authors to convey with either accuracy or ease. I think you managed to do both very well.
What really impressed me about this Act though is Leone's tour over to her ship. There is obvious pride in her new charge, how she looks upon it, her close review and reading up of the progress reports and crew personnel. The scene, going over to the Farragut, is very reminescient of Kirk approaching the Enterprise.
Date: 24 Feb 2009 13:49 Title: Act One
I have to ask; Have you ever served in the military, and if not, I have to commend you on your ability to really give this story an authentic 'shipboard' feel to it...
Okay, so I like Krystine . It seems she and the shuttle pilot, Nieves, have a shared history. Is this a continuing adventure? If so can you provide a link to past episodes?
This story is almost like a backward 24. We know that something is going to happen tomorrow, but we are seeing the set up. (By the way, just to make sure, are SALEB and BELKIS from past stories as well?)
You're writing style seems very authentic and you really seem to know what you are writing about in terms of the technical side (me? I avoid it when I write)...and so it seems real. The dialog the characters are having, the good guys and the bad guys, seems natural and three-dimensinal)....
Keep it up...on to the next part...
Unfortunately, no... I have never once had the privilege of putting on a uniform and serving. However, a majority of my family are active or reservists, and my best friend is a retired Coast Guard Chief Petty Officer, who indulges me with answering my many questions about life aboard a USCGC. Also, I study and research until I feel like I have a good understanding of approximating what it might be like to serve in a 24th century version of the military.
Plus, I always felt that TNG was a little too sterile for a navy.
Krystine and Wilson Nieves have served together, but you won't see that until episode six, when I present a flashback aboard the Potemkin, with Commander Leone and Ensign Nieves. You can see them together in a future short story entitled 'Farragut' within The Quarterdeck Breed anthology series.
Saleb and Belkis are making their debut in this episode.
I appreciate your compliments to my writing style. And thank you very much for reading. :)