Date: 31 Dec 2013 08:04 Title: Chapter 3
Well, that was some exploration of the "needs of the many" argument. I feel for Lily, yet she really did bring it on herself with that punch. Also, Kulei learned some interesting lessons here but I feel she is missing her own responsibility in the initial diplomatic crisis. She showed her own form of aggression and she doesn't seem to have acknowledged that. She also seems to think that her assumption that the court would pardon Lily puts her in the right, but the fact is, by insisting on her arrest, she made it possible for her to go to prison, which, on this world, is apparently a pretty horrifying fate.
An interesting tale which captures the relative "newness" of interstellar relations to that era well, I think. The final frontier, and all that. :)
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Yes Lily brought it on herself but she realise and acknowledges she was wrong unlike Kulei. I think the protesters will get the point home that Kulei has own responsibility, I known Jalke'i in the USS Ganges Series as a future Centauran in starfleet view Lily better than Kulei.
Date: 16 Dec 2013 19:02 Title: Chapter 3
Story rife with the fraught difficulties of first contact. Lily is a brilliant character in showing the weight of command and of the complexities of any first contact. As first contacts goes it was not the regular type we see in Star Trek but one all too likely, all too plausible. Hints to the past of ENT was nice to see. Good work overall FB.
Author's Response: Thank you Mac, Glad it felt plausible to you.
Date: 31 Jul 2013 23:55 Title: Chapter 3
And it all worked out in the end. Despite enduring such difficult and inhospitable conditions, at least Lily's treatment has brought awareness to the masses that fundamental changes need to be made to the Centaurans' judicial system. Diplomatic ties have been established, thanks to the profound sacrifice of one individual.
It was a very believable and enjoyable first contact tale. There were still a few grammar hiccups, though - not sure if I missed them initially or you missed them when making corrections. No matter. This is an area where you'll continue to improve the more you write - and I hope you have lots more tales planned! Very nice work for your second effort, FalseBill. :D
Author's Response: Thank you for the feedback LBD, glad you found it believable and enjoyable tale. Yes still more work on the grammar is needed, but then I'm aware it need works, but got plenty more tales to created yet :0)
Date: 21 Jul 2013 10:49 Title: Chapter 3
I like the fact that political issues and the way this legal system works is mostly at fault for Lily's fate. In fact everyone on the planet wants to do the right thing, but their hands are tight because of their system. This rings very true and is much more believable then the usual spiel of having powerful rulers make arbitrary decisions about these things.
Thankfully the commodore gets to go home in the end and Starfleet should give her a medal for her sacrifice all in the name of first contact. But I'm sure next time, she may handle such a situation a lot different. Maybe she'll refrain from punching somebody in the face. That would be a good start.
I liked this story. Well done.
Author's Response: Thanks for reading to the end and for providing a review all the separate chapters CeJay. I'm please you like the story and the problems with the legal system rang true for you. I'm sure Lily will handle the next first contact a bit differently. Thank you.