Reviews For PHASE ONE
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Reviewer: RobertScorpio Signed [Report This]
Date: 26 May 2013 19:30 Title: Fly Over

Thanks Kes...and I will take what you said to heart and try to improve upon that. Will be hard: but I will try!

Reviewer: kes7 Signed [Report This]
Date: 26 May 2013 09:17 Title: First

Again, great dialogue.  And Gary Mitchell makes an appearance, nice!

I can only imagine where you're going with "Nadya" Chekov.  Gary's jokes about Russians were hilarious callbacks to Pavel, though.

Reviewer: kes7 Signed [Report This]
Date: 26 May 2013 09:15 Title: Fly Over

You write dialogue very well, Rob.  I can really hear the character voices, so kudos there.  

This is an interesting concept, taking the Captain we know and love and transporting him to a contemporary setting.  

If I have one quibble, it's that you do a lot of telling instead of showing whenever people aren't speaking.  Omniscient third person is hard to pull off.  If I were editing this, I'd have moved the first papragraph to later, when you could write it from Olivia's POV.  I'd have deleted the second paragraph altogether and sprinkled the info throughout the chapter.  The third paragraph would make a perfect, attention grabbing opening.

On to the next chapter ....

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