Date: 26 May 2013 09:15 Title: Fly Over
You write dialogue very well, Rob. I can really hear the character voices, so kudos there.
This is an interesting concept, taking the Captain we know and love and transporting him to a contemporary setting.
If I have one quibble, it's that you do a lot of telling instead of showing whenever people aren't speaking. Omniscient third person is hard to pull off. If I were editing this, I'd have moved the first papragraph to later, when you could write it from Olivia's POV. I'd have deleted the second paragraph altogether and sprinkled the info throughout the chapter. The third paragraph would make a perfect, attention grabbing opening.
On to the next chapter ....