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Reviewer: Orion Signed [Report This]
Date: 12 Dec 2012 22:10 Title: Chapter 1

AWESOME suggestions all - Thank you!!!

They will be taken to heart!

Orion

Reviewer: jespah Signed [Report This]
Date: 12 Dec 2012 13:10 Title: Chapter 1

Posturing, posturing - that never goes well, particularly in a diplomatic situation. I am reminded of Khrushchev banging his shoe. Nicely written, and of course I recognize not only Chapel but the name Selek as well.

One thing I would do is perhaps linger a bit more on the descriptions of the unfamiliar species. You are throwing out a lot of new names for individuals and for species, and it can be a little difficult to keep up with who's taller, who's male, who's reptilian, etc.

Quickie technical thing - I think you're getting in trouble with em dashes (the longer) dashes, as they are throwing a character error. It's not awful but it's an easy fix; just replace them with regular old en dashes (the short hyphen kind) and reload. I do a find/replace on my own stuff for that very reason (e. g. find alt-1500, replace with -).

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