Date: 15 Jul 2013 21:26 Title: Part 6
Okay. Horowitz? Best summary of the situation ever. Talk about a delightful look at just how easy it is to violate the Prime Directive, and just how much they managed to do so, all in the pursuit to uphold it. I loved both of them, and their personalities, and their 'Detective team' vibe -- it's definitely a borderline police mystery, and the resolutions is so very neat, and even a bit laugh out loud funny. A comedy of errors, indeed.
I liked your secondary characters; they were immediately recognizable as extras in this procedural drama. And the last line is a terrific stinger. My only recommendation would be to go through it again and catch those little mistakes that caught my eye; you have a few in each chapter. But otherwise, thanks for a fun read!
Author's Response: Hey, glad you liked the story. It was much more light-hearted than my usual fare and I'm glad that worked out. Comedy is much harder to write than drama and it's good to see that the humor came across. Now you did inspire me to go back to this story and look at it again from an editorial standpoint. And what I found was that my spell checker was literally turned off. Oops. I've gone back and made a number of corrections to this tale. Glad it wasn't too much of a distraction and you still found a way to enjoy it.
Date: 15 Jul 2013 21:21 Title: Part 5
Well, shoot! You could kind of see it coming, and yet there it turns out their phaser rifles are still missing. Even so, they may have set something to rights here... or maybe not. Any which way, at least people are happy in the end. It remains to be seen if this is a good thing, or a bad thing. The interplay between the characters is so much fun. Zol is kind of adorable, and Val... understandably tense, all given.
Date: 15 Jul 2013 21:15 Title: Part 4
This has taken a turn for the fascinating! I love how it descended into the nightmare of any cop (or security guy): He said/he said. I'd like to note a few writing issues, though, if I may: I think you mean wary, above, not weary. There were also some minor misspellings and missed words: The Bolian had no sympahty to offer. “What did you do the phaser rifles, Tigus?” Which should be: The Bolian had no sympathy to offer. “What did you do with the phaser rifles, Tigus?”
There are a couple more. But otherwise, another great chapter of what's shaping up to be a very entertaining story. Horowitz and Zolwut do remind me of cops, some (a field I have ample experience with), and that makes it all the more fun to read.
Date: 15 Jul 2013 20:57 Title: Part 3
Somehow, I can only see this going wrong. But I am loving the lower decks perspective, and the way that it's almost stacking up to be either a tragedy or a comedy of errors, or perhaps both. This very helpful Litus-Ait may or may not be a boon, but we shall see either way.
Date: 15 Jul 2013 18:35 Title: Part 2
I so much love the nod back to TOS canon, and the way the protocol got its name. I also particularly love the exasperation that Zolwat has to try to deal with, and the little misspeak of 'Goddess gracious', which I suppose is entirely valid as well.
I think, though, my favorite part was Orgun-Tia and the second truck. As dialogue goes, I could hear it ring out in my head, and it seems like a deceptively simple bit, but it captures... living interaction, I guess you could say. Not stilted, scripted, but what people actually sound like. Well done.
Date: 15 Jul 2013 17:29 Title: Part 1
Man, do you know how to start with a bang! I'm a little lost, but I love the action and the tactical situation, and the way you went back in time in the intro, then forward to the present again at the end of the chapter. The dilemma of the two missing rifles is kind of a big deal, too, and it should be interesting to see if it's a Chekhov's Gun scenario. I have a feeling it will.
I really appreciate the way you portray the organized chaos of war, too.
Author's Response: Yeah, plenty of gun battles and explosions in the beginning. I probably didn't exactly make it easy on readers here by starting out with a segment I nearly lifted word for word out of the novel All The Sinners, Saints. The important part hopefully comes across. During a chaotic mission, two officers leave behind a couple of phaser rifles of an alien planet. Within the novel itself this action in itself only gets a passing mention. Of course now it spawned a whole other problem, not to mention it's own little story. Thanks for reading and commenting, and sticking with it even though getting a little lost in the beginning.
Date: 02 Jun 2013 09:36 Title: Part 6
That is a pretty good summation of things Val. Perhaps Zolwat will appreciate just how much damage he did or potentially did down the line. A story like this shows the difficulties faced by Starfleet on a basic level for the lower decks people. Some times we think the Prime Directive as only causing a headache for the captain. A refreshing new take on it.
And of course, now we know why there was so much shouting to out everything into truck number two! A simple little resolution on the front but at the end of the day, the larger picture is as murky, ugly and unresolved as before on the planet.
And to conclude, in the words of Srena, "Horizon Protocol has been a success."
Author's Response: Thanks for your terrific reviews and the praise. Yes, it appears as if in the end there really was much ado about nothing in this story. Except of course for all the damage caused by our two heroes. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Date: 02 Jun 2013 09:31 Title: Part 5
They've been used and used badly it appears. Litus may have good intentions but he has also got his own ambitions and schemes. Alas, in time I rather imagine that he might be the new Tigus in years/months to come.
You have to admire Zolwat for his own brand of principles and for taking out all the weapons in the storage warehouse. Val is a more worldly guy and is trying to navigate between doing right and doing what they are allowed to do by the book. Still he seemed to have stepped aside to allow Zolwat to do his thing.
What now for our intrepid duo? How else might they track down the weapons?
Date: 02 Jun 2013 09:23 Title: Part 4
Bolian buoyancy, my friend! Hee hee. I also like the many other little touches or irreverence and humour throughout this. Building on a very interesting buddy system between Val and Zolwat. And as predicted, Zolwat's faith in their helper turned out to be a bad idea and they almost walked into a neat little early ending. Instead, their training kicked in and they tackled the thugs easily. Nice to see Starfleet fighting skills having an impact and seeing trained guys being able to take down a large group of lesser trained ones.
Without this lead though where will they go to track the rifles? All this remains to be seen. A very ahrd mission to be sure to carry out.
Date: 02 Jun 2013 09:16 Title: Part 3
Dear oh. I have a feeling that Val is going to get quickly exasperated by Zolwat. For one so concerned about contamination of the planet he goes and replicates money - that surely has to be against some sort of regulation! LOL! But the eager Bolian has blinders on readily willing to believe the man, pay him money up front and get into a vehicle with him. Val seems like a lot more seasoned and cynical kinda guy - hopefully his common sense will spot any potential traps.
Alas, it seems that the difficulties, prejudices and hatred that lie between the Tia and the Ait remain at large and after everything it seems the planet has a long and dark path to follow. No neat bows to tie everything up here Cejay. Just real life ugly complications and long festering hatreds. A time when Starfleet probably really should be trying to get involved and yet their own politics means they are going tohigh tail it out of there. Damn shame.
Date: 02 Jun 2013 09:07 Title: Part 2
Well we certainly have the lowest of the lower decks in play here don't we. It seems Val and Zolwat have quite the challenge ahead of them - perhaps even more of a challenge as she has to put up with Zolwat's rather cheery outlook and idealistic slant on things. Hee, hee, I like that contrast and it should prove to play off each other as this story develops.
I like too the chaotic business of the planet side relief efforts and the fact there is no real Starfleet or Border Patrol efforts in co-ordinating things. It merely is up to the inhabitants themselves to sort matters because the situation is that no one wants Starfleet on the ground anymore - the government (whatever remains of it) and not Starfleet itself.
“Those are our orders and I hear they come all the way from the top of the food chain. Apparently this is a real political hot potato and you won’t see a lowly ensign like me asking questions about it.”
Yup, a strange new world for the idealistic Zolwat here to learn that realpolitik plays a part in how Starfleet operates as much as it plays heedance to the principles of its doctrine. I rather imagine that by story's end Zolwat will have perhaps lost some of the sheen for how shiny and nice Starfleet and his job is.
Date: 27 Apr 2013 18:35 Title: Part 1
Well I loved All the Sinners, Saints and I really appreciate the fact that you are following up a story with so many consequences for your own characters. But atop of that, you decide to actually follow up the consequences as they affect for the planet's population. The cause the missing rifles is very TOS like in feel and detail. It kinda strikes me as strange that TNG never quite opted to do an episode like this or follow up something from TOS given how Kirk interrupted different planets and messed witht he whole Prime Directive thing.
Character stuff here is good with the ole familiar faces and regulars but I've a feeling as you've done supremely well before, we'll be taking a closer look at some lower deck characters rather than the big names. I always love that approach and especially the fiully fleshed out characters you end up offering CeJay. Here's hoping for lots of that.
Author's Response: Thanks for reading, MF. Definitely TOS inspired here even if it is set in the 24th century and immediately after the events of All the Sinners, Saints. And you are of course absolutely correct. This is not going to be a story about the usual suspects. This is LDT. Expect some fresh new faces to make an appearance.