Date: 21 Aug 2013 06:40 Title: Harvest
Lili eyes Jay, Malcolm eyes Lili, and thus seeds are planted that do quite a bit of vining before bloom. Even so, this is a good introduction. Using the multiple POV format worked well here, and it did read a bit whirlwind, but that worked in the tone and context here.
Date: 21 Aug 2013 06:32 Title: Voracious
Haha! You poach that talent, Will. Another piece of nice atmospheric work, and also a fair bit of excellent serendipity. Well wrought and it made me smile.
Lili had to fit the bill in a bunch of different ways in order to be hired. I also wanted her to kind of go into Starfleet as a "what the hell" kind of impulse, unlike so many other people we see who plan for it, seemingly, forever.
Date: 21 Aug 2013 06:26 Title: Cobbled Together
Ha! I have no idea why they're all stuck there, but Malcolm walking off with his new treat definitely made me smile. Good on him.
This is based on a canon episode; there's some sort of nasty storm.
Date: 21 Aug 2013 06:05 Title: And the Livin' is Easy
Shot down, man. I like how you have him cruising here. I always have a little trouble keeping Sam out of my mind when watching Archer, but you highlight the differences nicely here.
I tend to think of Sam, too (I bet a lot of people do). :)
Date: 21 Aug 2013 05:58 Title: Atlas
Now this is perfect. You hit an amazing stride with world building, introspection and interaction. You let us get to know Jay from inside his skull and through his choices and motions. You drew me right in and kept me there. A great little short story.
I'm wondering some if it's just in the dialogue heavy pieces where I'm having more trouble being taken in. You did scenery painting and percision so well here while sacrifing none of the motion or art of it, where your larger cast pieces seem almost frantic.
Any which way, this one is quite a treat.
I love Jay and he gets no back story whatsoever in canon. For me, his story imperfectly and unevenly parallels Doug's.
Thank you for your observations re my longer and dialogue-heavy pieces. Hmm. Things for me to think about.
Date: 21 Aug 2013 05:49 Title: The High Cost of Dissidence
Wow, that was chilling. I think you may have missed a fairly prime opportunity to spend a moment on the raw emotion of it, though. Intellectually, I feel for them. Emotionally, though, the final choice and the final goodbye read almost dry. You were hitting good notes with the fair, but the picture at the end resonated almost more than the words. Try to really get into the hearts and skulls, if you could? This living thing is messy and it does absolutely give us those moments of slow-time, where frenetic energy pauses and we can think a million things in the space of a heartbeat that feels more like a lifetime.
There are definitely missed opportunities in the series. Charlotte only gets this as screen time, same with her folks. Her father is no dissident; he's just some guy who says the wrong thing. And then it all goes downhill, fast, fast, fast. That knock on the door - that's the thing I find most personally terrifying.
Date: 21 Aug 2013 05:36 Title: A Single Step
I really like this. Your usual style is fine enough, but frankly often confuses the ever loving heck out of me. But this had enough description and history behind it to really draw me in -- I didn't feel like I was reading ot on a screen, but like I was actually there. I loved the interactions and that Zef and Lily are old and married and the setup for TOS too. This may be one of my favorite pieces of yours.
Oh, I thank you! I wanted to pull together a lot of elements; we never saw the First Contact with Caitians, so why not? And why not make things informal?
Date: 21 Aug 2013 05:26 Title: Detroit Rock City
Ha! I imagine there is a longer story somewhere about this, but as a standalone vignette, it's definitely a good introduction. I am guessing maybe the HGWells people? Maybe? But really, who knows?
He might get revisited - Loomis is one weird dude, for sure.
Date: 06 Dec 2012 17:04 Title: Biases
Loved it...The dialog was spot on and really draws the reader in. Great back-and-forth made it seem real and inspired. Was this based on a real interview in your life?
I have been to more job interviews than I care to count, but nursing isn't my field. But there are a LOT of folks around here with the brogue; I see women like Bridie on the bus all the time.