Date: 18 Sep 2014 19:27 Title: An Accipiter tale - A Question of Survival [short/challenge]
Wow, this was extremely well written! Some times torture stories border on torture porn, where it seems as though the writer gets tremendous joy out of writing it. Others, the torture isn't quite realistic enough; Cardassians aren't nice people when they're interrogating or punishing prisoners. It's a very hard line to walk, and you've walked it well.
I really enjoyed the read, and Ryan's little "twist" of a surprise at the end. :-D
Date: 13 Mar 2014 22:52 Title: An Accipiter tale - A Question of Survival [short/challenge]
To say that was "hard to read" is an understatement. Very gripping and well-written, but I couldn't quite finish.
Thank you for taking the time to read it and the comments M C Pehrson. It is hard to read. Since you couldn't finish it, rest assured, our Caitlyn did survive. More than, she managed to best her torturer by his own devices.
Date: 21 Jul 2013 19:09 Title: Accipiter - 'Extreme Measures'
Damn!! It's not ended!
You held onto the suspense for a good, long time, and the reader has no choice but to believe that it's all going to go one horrible way.
But it does beg the question - will they get out of this? Right now, it's not looking that good.
Great situation, great scene-setting and world-building here!
No not ended, the Accipiter series got a little derailed. However, this story still has a plan and outline and I had been thinking of retweaking and relaunching it. This might be the perfect jumping off point and your words are words of encouragement to try to do so. Thanking you jespah.
Date: 21 Jul 2013 18:51 Title: Accipiter - 'Extreme Measures'
Oh, man, there's a ton of stuff happening here, all in the span of less than 8000 words.
Donna' introduction is good and elliptical - something happened on Accipiter and the reader is not yet permitted to know. But there was some sort of an ethical problem, and then the ship was destroyed, and a lot of the crew were killed. How did Donna survive? Kudos to you for not revealing that just yet.
Similar with the issues on the ground. Loved seeing the backhanded way that you got across that Bishop and the Colonel have been less than ethical, and have been patching together their soldiers and throwing them back out there, as just so much modern cannon fodder.
Dagon is lovely, he's right now the most positive character in the story. Donna is somewhat positive, but she's got a sharp tongue and seems to be one of those people in stories who nobody seems to get along with too well until the chips are down.
Let's see what Part II holds in store!
Aw man, having a review on this is a trip down memory lane. Accipiter being my first fanfic and all that with ALL the newbie fanfic ambitions for it in the grand epic scheme of things. I laugh at some of that now. But Donna, Donna I always liked as a character and I quite liked that this story was going to give her some big attention and put her in a hard position.
Thank you for the positive comments. Very interesting perspectives on this coming at it from a completely unknowing point of view which is very informative and useful for me to take onboard.
Date: 06 Jul 2013 11:30 Title: An Accipiter tale - A Question of Survival [short/challenge]
Wow a very Dark Piece,
The fierceness burns, a good prose as usually, clear a hard piece to write and read, but worth it for the twist at the end.
Thank you FalseBill. It is indeed dark and it was hard to write but it was also a frantic blur moment of writing it has to be admitted. The story came surging at the time. I'm glad the twist at the end was worth the reading. I quite liked the moment of win, even if it isn't the end of Caitlyn's troubles she begins to start taking proactive steps towards securing her freedom from this point onward.
Date: 04 Jul 2013 02:36 Title: An Accipiter tale - A Question of Survival [short/challenge]
Ouch, MF! That was extremely difficult to read (in terms of content; the prose was beautiful and haunting and quite evocative of the grim picture you were painting). You did forewarn, so I knew what I was in for, but couldn't stop once I started, so compelling did I find it.
It makes me want to know more about Caitlyn - who she was before, and who she became after this incident. I sincerely hope you do continue to expand on her story.
I love how she turned the tables at the end, and I think the theme of 'what are you?' ran very well throughout the piece. She kept trying to figure out what her captor wanted to hear at first, but then started questioning herself, and I think the answer surprised not only her, but her tormentor as well, for the answer was 'the victor' - not at all what he expected to hear, I'm sure.
Very well done.
Wow, thank you so much for the review and kind words Cuppy. It means a lot to hear you found it haunting and compelling. I did in fact expand some on the story as had always been the intention. Here is the expanded but as yet unfinished story: A Question of Survival It of course has more of the hard aspects to read but we also get flashbacks telling us something of who she was before hand and how Caityln was formed by her parents quite early on.
Then there are the stories of Cyste Ryaenn who works as a re-imagined Caitlyn Ryan post-freedom and post-Dominion War.
She's a slightly different take on the Caitlyn character - for one she's Andorian/Aenar and gets her own command. In my mind almost AU in that one lives and the other dies in their respective stories. Here we see Cyste Ryaenn take command of her own ship but of all things gets assigned to the relief missions to a post war Cardassia - if she can get her weathered and down on its luck crew and ship out of spacedock that is.
Date: 03 Jul 2013 23:54 Title: An Accipiter tale - A Question of Survival [short/challenge]
Since I rec'd it, I read it again. And again I am gobsmacked. It's no easy thing to read: In fact, it's really damned hard and ugly and real and painful. It's every bad thing I've ever heard of governments doing, and Caitlyn Ryan is right in the worst kind of hell, with everything torn from her.
Except, not. Because again, and again, she keeps this thread of rationality, of courage, of determination and willpower and guts, and at the very end, she turns it all around. I remember feeling fierce then, and it makes me feel that way now years later. Brilliant writing, Kev. Just brilliant.
Date: 26 Aug 2009 19:53 Title: Ghost Ship - Left for Dead
Cute ending and a plausible story. I'm afraid part 3 needs further editing-lots of little spelling and tense goofs, but still an enjoyable story. Good work!
Thanks for the head's up Mistral. Yeah it was very rushed sorry about that. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Much appreciated.
Date: 26 Aug 2009 19:44 Title: Ghost Ship - Left for Dead
Ok, starting to see. Is this like the beings that took over Troi and OBrien on TNG?
Well I can't say for sure - but I'm pretty sure an alien of some kind like this has appeared before in trek but at time I just had to keep on writing the story so didn't go to the length of checking such details out. Lazy I know.
Date: 17 Aug 2009 01:36 Title: Ghost Ship - Left for Dead
Great story. Riveting from scary beginning to hilarious end.
Thank you very much kes7, very much obliged. Obviously chuffed you thought the start was scary but equally so that the corny end was funny. Thanks for reading.
Date: 13 Aug 2009 20:53 Title: Ghost Ship - Left for Dead
A satisfying ending with terrible PUNishment! I loved it!
Sorry, dreadful pun I know but it wasn't mine it was Keresh's! Well that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. Thanks for reading and reviewing. The ending is a little rushed but opted to go for a frantic pace in order to keep the story going.
Date: 13 Aug 2009 20:30 Title: Ghost Ship - Left for Dead
Deliciously creepy beginning. You can't go wrong when you start off with a space version of Edgar Allen Poe's greatest fear. Can't wait to see where you take this!
Oh the biggest heepy geepy ever that! The mere thought of it! Yuk. Hence why I had to get him out of there quick sharp. A bit like Garak in that I don't find tight spaces condusive to my health. Hope the direction suited and worked out. The first part is different in tone to the rest and so the story may suffer as a result.
Date: 08 Apr 2009 04:46 Title: Accipiter - 'Extreme Measures'
Oh, yeah! Go Barnes! I have one medical quibble: " It was weak and he had already lost up to nine pints of blood." If this were a human, he would be utterly dead at this point. So you might wanna note it's a non-human or change your numbers to three instead of nine. But otherwise, a great chapter -- breathless and fascinating and a damn good read. Donna held up well and the Colonel did too. You've got my vote.
Heh heh. Yeah that would be why Donna's the medical hero and I stick only to putting plasters over cut knees. I'll go fix that. Thanks for the vote. And yeah go Barnes! Glad it held some excitement and knuckle drama. To fit the timeframe for the challenge, the story obviously didn't get the full work up, so I had to stick to the bones of the drama for now.
Date: 08 Apr 2009 04:34 Title: Accipiter - 'Extreme Measures'
What an awesome start! I wasn't sure I liked your Donna at first, but as time went on and she interacted with Dagon, she got more and more endearing. I mean, I rooted for her, mind, but didn't get a chance to know her too well at first. But you masterfully turned the tables and brought her around in this first part, painting an awesome scene for combat and a very neat mission. Excellent stuff, Miranda!
Thanks Steff. I really enjoy writing Donna. She's all thunder and righteousness, even if she's in the wrong. I'm actually surprised that Dagon brought out a certain degree of respect from Donna. She would normally abhorr any one made for violence or who makes violence. And Dagon is certainly that. Thanks for saying that the tables turned for her.
Date: 26 Feb 2009 21:55 Title: An Accipiter tale - A Question of Survival [short/challenge]
A great compainion piece to the episode where Picard was tortured. You pulled this off quite well. I even found myself seeing the images in my brain as it progressed.
Who do you see in the two roles if this were an episode? I see CHRIS PLUMMER as your cardassian.
Anyway,I was active in the military for many years. I was never a POW, but a friend of mine was. He was only a POW for three weeks, but according to him, it was hell. Caitlyn is there nearly a 150 days. You do a good job, in a short story like this, coveying two different times of her being in captivity.
As someone said in the other review, great story, and at time, very raw indeed. She must be a strong person in her regular stories you feature her in.
Date: 01 Feb 2009 18:44 Title: An Accipiter tale - A Question of Survival [short/challenge]
I remember the first time I read this, last month or so, and it made me feel quite fierce. Well-written, though very disturbing at times, it's definitely a lot of punch in a relatively small amount of words.
Author's Response: Thanks Nerys and SLWatson for your reviews. It was a bit raw for me too upon writing because it is a tale I need to write for the character of Caitlyn Ryan to explain just how driven she is. So when I sat down to write this for the challenge it was done in one sitting. It just came out in a furious rage. Thanks for reading and commenting.